When you’re new in Germany, you might think it’s a good idea to invite some Germans to the movies so you can socialize with them and maybe make new friends. Be careful though - going to the movies is an undertaking that is not to be taken lightly when in Germany. Some meticulous planning has to take place beforehand. For Germans, it is very important where they watch a movie. Maybe more important than the movie itself. The movie theater you choose to invite your German acquaintances to will reveal a huge deal about your personality to them. It really is a make-or-break situation.

Here are some hints at choosing the right theater. First of all, it must not be new and big. Avoid newly built cinemas or megaplexes at all cost. Their huge screens and state-of-the-art sound systems are considered as “mainstream” and “Hollywood” by Germans. Only the “wrong type of Germans” go there. A rare exception may be made for a German movie playing there, if it cannot be seen at any of the “good” theaters in town on that day.

What qualifies as a “good” movie theater then? These are easily identified. They arenever in the city center or inside big malls. You want to look for indie sounding place names. Some examples are “Bambi”, “Gloria”, “Rex”, and “Bali”. You will find these in any bigger German city, near or inside the gentrified areas where the right kind of Germans live. Check some of the specs for the theaters. Things to look for are (in no particular order):

• red plush seating from the 60s with no cushioning whatsoever
• a monaural sound system
• screen size no more than 6’5” in diameter
• “Bionade” being sold, but no “nacho chips”.
• Clerk behind the ticket counter is younger than 30, wears a scarf, and has a messy beard (if male).

Next, look at their schedule. Count the number of major Hollywood productions playing there. If it’s zero or lower than 1 (movies featuring George Clooney or by the Coen Brothers count as non-Hollywood), you are almost there. To make sure, get there early and check out the place itself. If you can spot 5 guys with dark rimmed glasses and beards in the queue, you’re probably in the safe zone and will be respected for your choice by your German acquaintances.

As a bonus task, try to congratulate your German acquaintances for the huge amount of indie, non-mainstream movie theaters in their city, and how important it is to support them. Do the “Prost” thing with your Bionade bottles (German beer is acceptable if you must). Avoid mentioning the uncomfortable seating that is giving you cramps 5 minutes into the movie or the hardly audible sound at all cost. If the screen is small and dark, then it’s not something you should be openly critical of either. For Germans, the lack of modern equipment only adds to the artistic style of the movie and adopting that point of view will earn you lots of dates at the movies.

That wasn’t so hard, was it? In an upcoming post, you will learn what kind of movie to chose to keep your German acquaintances in the comfort zone.