In the past 20 years, no other musical genre has mesmerized German people more than Techno music. It is obvious that no other music is able to connect with the German soul in a symbiotic fashion like Techno music can, and accordingly Germany is the only country left on this planet where Techno music is still thriving today. While young, easily impressed people in basically all other countries have long moved on to other genres of music, German people still consider Techno music as the most state-of-the-art extravagant musical art form that exists today.

Being painfully aware of the danger of getting labeled once again as “following yesterdays trends”, German people became very creative in giving Techno music different names on a regular basis. For example, some of the more recent names they used were “minimal”, “elektro”, or “nu rave”. That way, they created the illusion of being into a hot, edgy new music trend, while in reality they were always listening to the same kind of nosebleed, 4/4 beat, marching Techno music.

German people use music as an extension of their ego, hence it is crucial to understand why they can’t let go of a tired 90s dance music fad that never was really interesting to begin with. In the beginning of Techno music and its “rave” party culture around the year 1990, German people were mere consumers of Techno music, a new trend they picked up, you guessed right, relatively late. But boy, did they get into it. Being efficient party planners, Germans created the world’s biggest outdoor party, the “Love Parade”, and soon many German people were into Techno music so much they felt the need to be exposed to it 24/7, so they quit their “boring” and “uncool” jobs to start a career in Techno music - becoming DJs, record store owners, graphics designers, or drug dealers. Their self-proclaimed mission was to start a new, better society, based on love and respect for each other, getting rid of the pushy, competitive nature of the business world, and living in a ever-relaxed utopia filled with peace and harmony. Nowadays, Germany might be the only country where this parallel society of cool, edgy, and super-relaxed people is still going strong. The center of the Techno music world now being Berlin, basically every foreign DJ or Techno music producer who was fed up being ridiculed for his taste in music is now residing there. Hence, unless you are already in Berlin, and need a cheap and easy way to make yourself more interesting, just say “I will move to Berlin soon”. The German person will get dreamy-eyed and congratulate you on that decision, often saying “Ahh, that’s the most exciting place to be in right now, and you can live there with little money”. Then the German person will launch into a 20 minute speech about who of his or her friends have already moved to Berlin, love it there, and give you insider information on cool new bars and art galleries. A word of warning: Don’t mention Berlin to people from Hamburg. They are known to hedge a big inferiority complex towards Berlin and the news of another person choosing Berlin over Hamburg might just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

When you meet a German person who’s into Techno music (basically everybody under 70), you will quickly notice that the conversation seems to follow a certain pattern. This pattern is called the 1-up-you pattern. It is commendable to learn and be ready to use this soon. Here’s a typical conversation between two German techno lovers:

I like this new style of Techno the DJ is playing tonight!

Oh, really? It started to bore me long ago so I only listen tolately…

Good for you. I heard Ricardo and Richie don’t approve of that style.

You have no clue, I know Ricardo and Richie personally and I doubt they said that.

You know them? Big deal. I met them at record store and personally gave them recommendations what new records to listen to!

Dude, I own that record store!

So what, I own the Record distribution you buy from, now what?

I have a record label that provides your distribution with the records they sell.

Ohh, impressive. I produce my own Techno music records that your label was too lame to pick up and now I am making 80.000 Euros on them that I will spend towards an Altbau apartmentand cocaine!

Ha, I also produce records since 20 years and I get to play gigs all over Germany!

That’s cute. I get invited to play all over Europe, even London!

Europe is okay I guess, but I also played in the US a few times!

Oh, okayyy..that place…I played in Tokyo once.

Tokyo is sooo last decade. My friends there are telling me it has become totally boring. I did a gig in Fukuoka the other day which is universally accepted as the new trend capital of Japan!

Good for you. I stopped playing gigs in capitalist countries and have been invited to play a Techno music gig in a Taliban village in Afghanistan, all expenses paid by the Goethe Institute.

Uhh, now you’re just trying to be cool…

Apparently, the no. 1 reason why German people and Techno music are a match made in heaven is that it enables them to build the biggest friggin’ hierarchical system of who’s cool and who’s not ever, much like yuppies would do, just without putting some real effort into it.

Another reason why German people love Techno music is because they regard it as an “alternative” or “underground” culture. That doesn’t keep them from constantly seeking opportunities to give Techno music a broader exposure by marrying it to other, unanticipated genres, like classical music, in a edgy and quirky way.

German people like to constantly benchmark other German people’s Techno music for it’s “underground credibility”. Therefore, they came up with a bunch of magazines that interview Techno music DJs and producers, review new records, and basically evaluate the whole world for it’s underground credibility from the Techno music point of view. So, to gain respect from a German person, you should get some of those magazines, like “De:bug”,”Groove”, or “Raveline” and read up on who is currently making more money DJing, producing records, or booking parties than your German acquaintance. Then you should say “Oh, thatguy? He totally sold out! I heard he is now even working for the Bild-Zeitung”. Your German friend will then see you as one of the good guys. Don’t be caught off guard though - if suddenly your German acquaintance lands a hit Techno music record, or is nominated for a German Grammy, you must be able to quickly do a 180 and change your official viewpoint to something like “well, I guess overground is the new underground, and it was about time Techno music receives the place it deserves”. As we learned earlier, in Germany the probability of being called a hypocrite is zero. By passing on pointing out some obvious contradictions in your German acquaintances’ ways, you are going to be invited to a lot of private after-hour parties and have plenty of opportunity to really get to know the best German people there.